Oh For Fucks' Sake dot Com.... I'm back at work, its 11am and I'm already raging with anger, already blogging my little socks off instead of catching up with the Scrotum Clients that I need to call. Fuck them, cunts to a man. Instead, I'm going to get paid to bitch about eBay again...

I mean, What The Fuck, eBay? Whats with the new 9.x% fees and the increase of Paypal fees too? Are you not making enough money? With fuel prices on the rise it must be really hard for you to get products to customers... oh no, wait a minute, that's what we have to do, and the Cunts at Royal Mail have already put their prices up.

So is it to keep the servers alive and active to ensure the millions of eBayers can get to their auctions without bother? Well no again actually, with server costs and computer hardware coming down in price and using ever decreasing amounts of energy, you can't even blame energy bill rises. You just need to invest in some new hardware and boom, massive reduction in costs in the long term.

Maybe its the extra bandwidth you have to consume for an ever increasing number of visitors? According to Alexa, your traffic is actually going down every month by a whopping 2.5% so that's a no again.

But there is our answer.. eBay are losing sales because they keep putting their fucking fees up, putting off sellers. Less sellers = less competitive eBay = higher prices = more incentive to shop around = Less cash for eBay = Higher Fees = Less sellers.. circle and repeat.

Give me my fucking Economics Degree now...

Fuck your 5p listing days. Fuck your Credit when a buyer doesnt pay for an item (I just want my money back). Fuck your "now with free Listing Images"when they should have always been free. Just fuck you. In the ass. With an AIDs infected dildo. And no lube.

 

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With that out of the way, I had the joy of selling a car on eBay recently after wrestling with eBay over acceptable language. Apparently, thanks to yet more automation to their listing checking and less actual "intelligent" selection, you can no longer put certain strings of text together without having it pulled without question. My offence was to include the text "make me an offer" without using eBays Special Magic Make Me An Offer button.

 

The fact that I wrote "This auction will either go to the highest bidder or a private buyer will make me an offer I cannot refuse" means nothing. I am well within my rights to pull an auction for a shitty Escort that cost me (up from last time by a whopping £2) £8 to list. Thats surely enough cash for you, isn't it?!

No, apparently not. The thought that my Chavenator might somehow slip through the net and they lose out on fees for a car that eventually sold for less than £160 meant the Fee Police pulled my listing without question.

Granted, for actual cars this might end up being a large amount of cash but when they charge £8 to list a car no matter what, surely they're covering themselves for these eventualities..?

One positive of the Chavenator sale was a really nice email I got after the sale:

"hi
im not interested in the car but that has got to be the best car
description i have ever read ! you ever thought about doing stand up
?or maby a script writer ? im sure the bbc would snap u up

many regards

monty

it does also say not tax or mot in the add and also that the battery is flat for the people that cant read !"

For those of you who want to read the description, or ridicule me for owning such a horrid car, the link is here..

 

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Finally, I got an email this morning off eBay this morning asking me to review recently purchased items, namely 360 games, trying to add user generated content to their site, boosting their SEO status for free. Two words, eBay... Fuck You!

 

You fucking cheeky wankers, as if I'm going to spend my time writing reviews for things so you have content driven listings, backing up your Google position eternally with potentially relevant commentary. For free, no less.

The only review I have is for you is one for your new fees. It's pretty short too. One word in fact, and that word is.... unjust (you massive, massive cunts).