Bursting with Christmas sneer, the OFFS Christmas Rant Shop will help you find something for everyone to moan about. Can't decide what to get? Why not let us choose your perfect present by giving them an OFFS Miffed Card or get them to set up an OFFS Miffed list.....

.......according to Yahoo news....

Having never had the luxury of a lunch "hour" before, this tale takes us to Loughborough , the seat of sports sciences and home of my new job, and to the town centre in search of the last human unifected by a seemingly unstoppable disease destroying our fair isle and this Great Land........

This is a genuine security authentication code from a popular file-hosting site.

Not doctored. Not edited. Not tampered. Just automatically created for my downloading dis pleasure.
I'M GOING SLIGHTLY...

Didn't take the bastards long to catch up with Dr Hock MD. His Nostradamus-like predictions on future products have been gazumpted by the marketing genius of Procter (Procter!!!! - Police Acadamy 2) & Gamble (errmm, Gamble!!! - Bruce's Play Your Cards Right). With time on our side and with a whole month of mulling behind us, let us all mumble the Bender's mantra together:

"Let's get ready to commence preparations for rumbling"

A retro-sneer at a product introduced to our fair country about 2 years ago, introduced to me every time I go to the fucking supermarket for a cry and why it will end the world.

What we would be led to believe, if the media is anything to go by.....

Whereby the reality is .....

Remember kids, smoking kills. Honestly it does. It kills you in really horrible ways, but the odd cheeky woodbine is a nice feeling, so occasionally I wrap myself up in a pre-bus ride warming Marly-light, enjoying the rush of nicotine and boy do I look cool. Like a fat Jimmy Dean. It also makes all the chavs and scummers "respek" me. Innit Blud. I often return this well earned respect by cranking up the volume on my mobile phone's external speaker, which is often playing "Pure and Simple" (by Plopstars winners Hear'Say) on infinite repeat.

A Birmingham bus driver, yesterday.

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