Having worked Friday/Monday of the Bank Holiday weekend and being on call for the last 2 weekends to boot, one might say one is a little pissed off with work. One might even go so far as saying one is so fucked off with his current employment, the thought of telling ones boss where to shove his fucking job is one I consider on a nanosecondly basis and hence a list of ways to keep yor staff happy and productive, especially when they've been busting a gut for you so you can have a break in your company paid for camper van...



Do : Ensure your staff are correctly motivated to do extra work for you by offering them bonuses to cope with the extra stresses and strains of increased hours

Don't : Offer someone a bonus to cover the phones from 8:30am until 10pm Friday through until Monday, confirm said bonus in a meeting during the day then avoid them for the rest of the afternoon, including darting out 10 minutes before home time and then pretending to be on a call in your car to avoid giving them the money.



Do : Keep your staff up to date with the latest news and tasks that will effect them on a daily basis

Don't : Sign deals that radically change the current employment conditions of your staff, including changing the working week to 7 days and increasing phone support to a permanent 10pm coverage without informing your staff of these changes, especially when you only have 3 engineers to cover said work



Do : Encourage staff to fulfill their potential using motivational speeches to massage their egos

Don't : Divide and Conquer your staff to shit on them individually in meetings that allow you to look like Mr Big Shot whilst you blame them for their own shortcomings and use them as the reason the business is "failing"



Do : Give staff the correct means to pay for their expenses

Don't : Give them a fuel card that can only be used at a chain of garages found in towns and villages and no other means of paying for petrol



Do : Ensure staff have plenty of notice for callouts and meetings

Don't : Call staff from your own personal paradise to scream at 12:30pm and tell them they have a 450 mile callout to attend amidst Bank Holiday traffic for them to get onsite, fix the problem in 15 minutes and to be told it wasn't an urgent issue



Do : Give staff plenty of recovery time after a long and arduous day

Don't : TXT message staff at 9pm to tell them they have yet another callout on Saturday and they'll be enjoying 6 hours on the road, again during Bank Holiday traffic

The last one didn't actually happen... i told him to "go fuck his own arsehole" and was in a meeting today to justify myself for doing so. I was looking forward to my little bonus to go out and get utterly smashed this evening and perhaps enjoy a night of indulgance, one I've not had in weeks thanks to no money but no... another night of Pasta and Pesto, crap TV and looking at my stupid laptop...

I hate my job... I really, really do....

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