.......according to Yahoo news....

......Follow me now, as I explore THE WORLD OF SCIENCE PRICTION....

Some work-shy Doctor's team took random swabs from the hands of 409 commuters waiting at bus stops near London Euston, Birmingham New Street, Cardiff Central, Liverpool Lime Street and Newcastle Central stations on weekday mornings.

When they were analysed, 113 of the fucking-tools were found to contain bacteria from faeces, due to continual shit-eating no doubt.

This figure is actually lower than the percentage of supermarket meat contaminated with the same bateria, found in the stomachs of dead animals.
We all know this. That's why it's a No-News Day.

Here's the original article and how it sounded to meeeeeeeeeee:

People from the north of England were up to three times more likely to have hands contaminated with toilet bugs, the pointless and wafer-thin study found, if they were part of the tiny number of 409 shower-dodging-colleagues surveyed by their non-scientists friends, some time in the past.

The science-gays hand's hygiene worsened with every step taken further north, with research evidence suggesting that this was down to the petty-scratching at their grotty cock and glans with every step north.

The unscientists hands were cleanest in London (10 science-wipes North), dirtier in Birmingham (50 cock-shuffles North) and Cardiff (15 pocket-cue-ball-wipes North), and filthiest in Liverpool (36 bell-tweaks North) and Newcastle (63 groin-thumbs North).

The most likely explanation is that fewer scientists are washing their hands with soap after answering the call of wanking, researchers said.

It was chiefly man-scientists who were responsible for the trend - but in Cardiff and London woman-scientists were the dirtiest sex.

In total, almost 30 per cent of sixth-form-scientists tested were carrying "faecal" bacteria.

Scientists in Newcastle were up to three times more likely to have shite on their hands than those in London. Those in London were up to four times more likely to talk shite.

The proportion of timewasting-science-cunts found to have contaminated hands was 13 per cent in London, 23 per cent in Cardiff, 24 per cent in Birmingham, 34 per cent in Liverpool, 44 per cent in Newcastle, 64 percent in Scotchland, 134 pecent in Barry Island and 101 percent in a boat dry-humping dead seals on a lake anywhere in Northumberland.

But women-unresearchers in London were around three times more likely than men to have faecal bacteria in their mouths or on their front-bottom lips.

Dr Koch Waypir, from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, who led the study, said: "We were flabbergasted by the finding that so many of our people had faecal bugs on their hands. "

"The figures were far higher than we had anticipated, and suggest that there is a real problem with using such a fucking small sample of 113 people and nothing to do with them actually washing their hands in the UK. We, as men of science, are bigots and gaylords."

"If any of these 113 people had been suffering from diarrhoea disease, which they weren't, the potential for it to be passed around would be greatly increased by their failure to wash their hands after going to the toilet."

"If any of these 113 people had been suffering from diarrhoea disease, they wouldn't have been waiting for the bus. They would have been sitting on the pan, shitting 8 pints of scalding hot poo-tea out of their rusty sheriff's badge."

Cunts.