Had the following call about 1 hour ago from an "Intelligent Fucking Customer". This is real.

"[Dr Hamhock,] sorry but it's really to do with the state of our country at the moment. Could you arrange for your final skip to be collected as soon as possible.
The skip you were using outside my store, some little scummers pulled all the wood and stuff out of it last night and proceeded to make a big bonfire up against the wall of our shop.
The old man [the shop owner's Father] luckily managed to take some photos of the them in the act....BUT......